Why The Hell Not?
by Skabooom
Summary: At a crowded party, Tyler confronts Jeremy about the pain only Tyler seems to notice he's going through. Jeremy/Tyler slash. oneshot.


"Hey." Tyler Lockwood walked up to Jeremy Gilbert at the party he had thrown. Jeremy was sitting by himself near the water, a drink in his hand, looking wistfully out at the lake. "You okay, man?"

"Fine." He nodded, taking a swig of his beer. "Why?"

"Because." Tyler leaned back on his hands, watching the way the moonlight caught the boy's face. Jeremy really was a striking boy, and Tyler was surprised that he had managed to never notice that before, not after so many years of knowing the Gilberts. "I don't think I've ever seen anyone look as sad as you do right now."

"I'm fine," Jeremy said again, taking another slow sip of the beer.

"I don't believe that." Tyler shook his head. "Not even for a second. It hasn't been that long since your parents died, Jer, and I can't imagine that your grieving has passed, especially not with what happened to Vicki and to Anna." He bit his lip. "You've gone through a lot, Jer."

"Well so have you," Jeremy replied. "Your dad died, your uncle died…" he looked down. "You're a werewolf?"

"Okay," he nodded. "So maybe we've both had some grief to deal with."

"Why are you sitting here talking to me instead of enjoying your party with some lame chick who'll put out without even knowing your name?" Jeremy stated.

"Harsh." Tyler nodded. "But given the past, fair." He looked out at the lake, away from Jeremy.

"Yeah…" Jeremy rolled his eyes. "That doesn't really answer my question."

"Okay." Tyler turned to look at Jeremy again. "Maybe I'm sick of nameless bimbos who want me for no good reason, maybe I've realized that, no matter how many girls I go to bed with, none of them are ever going to love me the way that I want."

"Wow." Jeremy looked mildly surprised at Tyler's declaration. "Tyler Lockwood is looking for love? That's…a shocker."

"Cut the sarcasm, Gilbert." Tyler sighed. "You and I, what we're going through is not too far off." Tyler looked back out at the lake, trying to keep his eyes off of Jeremy – a task which proved far more difficult than he had expected.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we've both been trying to replace the people we've lost. We've lost a lot of love, so we're seeking to find it. You lost your parents so you went for Vicki, then Anna, then Bonnie. I lost my dad, then my uncle, and I've been sleeping around, but it's not working for me, and since Bonnie broke up with you, I'm guessing things aren't really working for you either."

"Shut up!" Jeremy stood up, emptying the contents of his beer down his throat before throwing the bottle to the ground, watching it smash in front of Tyler. "Shut the fuck up! You don't know me, okay? Don't even pretend to understand what the fuck I'm going through."

"Whoa, Jer…" Tyler shook his head. "I'm not, I'm trying to say that I'm going through something too, and that…that it would be nice to have a way to cope with the pain." He looked down. "Something more than meaningless sex."

"Why are you telling me this?" Jeremy asked, his voice still full of anger.

"Because." Tyler stood up, blocking Jeremy's escape path. "I was thinking that maybe…maybe we could help each other out." Tyler leaned forwards towards Jeremy.

"What the hell?" Jeremy pulled away, frowning. "What are you doing? Are you…did you just try to kiss me?"

"No, yes, maybe, I don't know."

"Those would be the options…" Jeremy rolled his eyes.

"Fine, yes!" Tyler sat down, raking his fingers through his hair. "Yes, I tried to kiss you."

"I'm not gonna be your fucking experiment, Lockwood." Jeremy shook his head. "I'm not gonna be the boy you do when the girls you've been fucking stop making you feel the way that you want to feel."

"Wow." Tyler looked up at Jeremy. "Do you really think that's what I'm trying to do here?"

"You said it yourself!" Jeremy shouted. "You're trying to ease your pain with sex!"

"Love!" Tyler stood up again, screaming in Jeremy's face. "The sex didn't work, so I'm trying to find love, god damnit, and the only person I can see myself actually with is you, and it fucking scares me because we're both guys, because we hate each other, because we've never gotten along more than a day in our lives, but when I lie down and close my eyes and think about who I can see myself happy with you, it's you every fucking time." Tyler's voice was starting to hurt from shouting so loudly, but he wasn't ready to stop yet. "So go, Gilbert." He sighed. "Go tell everyone in the world that Tyler fucking Lockwood is a faggot, take me down the way you've always wanted to – I don't honestly think you could make my life any worse."

"Wow." Jeremy reached up, raking his hand through his hair. This was a lot for him to take in. "I'm not gonna do that to you, Tyler. You are right, you've been through a lot, so have I, I wouldn't add to all of that." Jeremy sighed. "Have you ever thought that maybe the reason that we always fight, that we always hurt each other is because…because we're both scared." Jeremy looked down at the round, kicking the dirt with his sneaker. "We're scared of how we really feel about each other, and it's easier for me to say that I hate you than it is for me to accept that I love you."

"What?" Tyler looked at Jeremy, surprise lighting up his face.

"There are so many consequences of being with you," Jeremy continued. "There's the public ridicule, there's the chance of heartbreak of having it not work out, there's the fear of trying things with someone I've never even pretended to like a day in my life, there's the fear of losing another person that I truly care about, and I don't' know if I could do that again." Jeremy sighed. "But you're right, Tyler. I've been through so much, so much fucking grief, so much pain, and I'm exhausted, Tyler. I'm so tired that I don't think I can fight this anymore."

"So what are you saying?" Tyler asked.

"I'm too tired to pretend I hate you anymore," Jeremy said quietly. "I'm too tired to keep fighting what I feel."

"So what does that mean, Jeremy?" Tyler asked.

"It means why the hell not?" Jeremy sighed, sitting back down by the lake. "Why the hell not try and have something in my life that I actually like. I'm tired of hiding who I am and if you want this as much as you seem to, then why the hell not?"

"That's good enough for me." Tyler smiled and leaned in, kissing Jeremy for the first, but definitely not the last, time.


End file.
